Post Covid peak

I've not blogged for a while, as I've been busy creating something amazing. More on that another time. But a lot has happened in the world since early last month. For one, Covid is on the decline (yay) despite Britain having the highest number of deaths behind America. 40,000 and counting. If only we'd started Lockdown sooner, eh?

I feel a lot happier at the moment. My previous job is now behind me and I am moving on. I'm still shielding, but I have been out of the building a few times now, for walks around the area. I wish I could move down to Sussex now, where there is more space. Hopefully that will happen in time for the main part of summer.

Job searching is actually not really progressing, but if I am honest I am not too worried. I'm not spending much money right now and I have plenty to fall back on for now.

I've been browsing the internet a lot, especially on Instagram. I love flicking through that. It's kept me sane over the past few weeks. I've found a number of cool sites, one of which is Billington Pix, which is one of the only websites I know that sells photographic greeting cards that aren't boring. Normally if you put a Google search in you just get cliche shots of trees or hills, or some flowers. Billington Pix sells much edgier photo cards. It also has an accompanying philosophy about them. It's existentialist mostly, which I am drawn to of course!

I do miss going to restaurants though. That is my biggest regret of Lockdown. I'm not sure when that will happen. It's not like there's much opportunity in the UK to eat outside and it will probably be the end of the year before even that happens. I suppose pubs are serving takeaways, but it's not the same.

In the meantime I have time to eat, relax, watch tv, read, get fat, and now go for the occasional walk, making sure to cross the road every time I am about to pass someone.

Lockdown - Day 36

I had to check how long I had been at home under lockdown. It's become a blur. I've actually been here for 36 days, or just over 7 weeks.

I've had some contact with the outside world, mainly when I visited Guys for my monthly checkup. That is now on hold and I am waiting for an appointment date to be provided. Other than that I have ventured downstairs to check my post, put the rubbish out or to collect my food parcel. As a kidney transplant patient it seems that I am eligible for them.

It's actually good to be receiving food parcels. I had been using Sainsbury's to deliver my food, in anticipation of the all the panic buying. Now with limited slots available I am becoming reliant on receiving the basics from Southwark Council. And how welcome they are too!

It's actually quite interesting when someone compiles your shopping for you. My regular purchases are not there but instead I have a chance to try all sorts of different foods that I would never normally buy. Even down to the pineapple that I cut up into cubes earlier and partly froze. I do, however, need to think about what to do with 3 tubs of double cream...

The hunt for work continues. I did originally believe that the market was quite buoyant, but now it seems to be shutting down. Twice I have received news that companies are suspending their hiring. Still, I can live quite cheaply for the time being. I only really need to get out of bed for the potential recruitment agent calls (they aren't calling).

And Johnson, is recuperating at Chequers. How wonderful for him. He's had the most miraculous comeback from death ever seen. After spending a few nights in intensive care he was, upon leaving St Thomas's Hospital, able to quite fluently speak to the nation in his full suited attire. And from his rested abode, he continues to push the line that the UK will complete trade negotiations with the EU by the end of the year. How convenient that he now has an excuse when it all fails. With the price of some foods already rising in value as they are in short supply, let's just think about what might happen if we don't get a deal, shall we?

I am still done with the whole thing to be honest. In a way it is quite nice to escape from it all by means of my isolation, but sooner or later I will have to emerge and face whatever reality greets me, whether it be later in this year, or the next.

And as people continue to die (nearly 13,000 at the last count), I wonder how different this country might be when it is all over. Will we be poorer? Will we be kinder? Will we be more welcoming to our neighbours? Will the High Street never recover? Will Jeff Bezos be even richer? Will I see R any time soon? Will my cheese plant ever grow another leaf?

For the interim, I continue to eat, sleep, hunt for work, watch Netflix, study the digital cloud and Adobe, and peer down at my strange neighbours below in the street.

The blue apex

It's quiet outside. An occasional car passes by, perhaps a dog walker or a jogger. I can see the Shard from my living room window, with its blue lighted apex, shining like a beacon of hope that we will all get through this difficult period.

It's easy to sound a bit dramatic when writing about what is happening right now. Cocooned inside my flat, I have only the views from my window, or the sounds from the street below, to convince me that there is life still going on. Like the opening scene of a horror film, where the people have all vanished, except for a few shell-shocked individuals roaming about.

In addition to that it is easy for my imagination to go wild. I listen to the news and the daily mortality rates are starting to reach surreal proportions. We've seen it happen in Italy or course, and now Spain. But surely not in Great Britain, where everything is great, where we make great decisions to protect our great people.

We are all deluded. It is going to hit us, hard. We are following the trajectory of Spain and Italy, only a couple of weeks behind. In a short time we will be war-weary as if it really is the Blitz, with bombs raining down on us from this invisible enemy.

Today in the online news I read about a 108 year old, who had survived the Spanish flu, only to succumb to this new disease. I often think of my own grandma who was struck down in 1918, lost all her hair, but yet survived. It really is a game of chance whether it takes us or not. A game that we can cheat though by implementing social distancing and washing our hands. But still a game. A horrid game.

So let's keep looking up at the blue apex, that gives us hope, that celebrates our NHS. It might let us forget how we never bought enough ventilators, or that we stopped testing in the community, or that we refused to participate in the EU procurement scheme. Let's keep living our lives via the spirit of the Blitz.

Lockdown

Finally the Government showed some degree of leadership last night and announced a sort of lockdown. Johnson, looking nervous, sheepish almost, in what seems to be the most watched television event in British TV history, declared that the British public shall not venture from their homes, save a few exceptions.

I'm glad. The scenes of tourists flouting the advice last weekend was a stark reminder just how ill-informed the British public can be. We saw it with Brexit and now we see it with Covid-19. And this sense of British exceptionalism, that this thing is just the other, over there, abroad, where it won't hurt us, won't possible impact our daily lives, because we are exceptional. It's just bullshit.

As for Farage, he just seeks any opportunity to dig the knife in. He is a nasty piece of work, I think. The funny thing is that he was insisting that the Governement was inept at not closing the borders, therefore clarifying what we all knew before - that the British people do have autonomy from Europe, if we wish to use it. It didn't need Brexit to illustrate that. It just needed a virus...

For me, I'm about to enter my 3rd week of isolation, save a trip to the pharmacy and to the hospital for my monthly blood tests. Thankfully I have been accumulating food since last year, in what was preparation for a hard Brexit (which still might come). I have lots and lots of pasta and baked beans. What I am lacking is fresh produce. My grocery delivery tonight should help rectify that, although I received an email this morning to advise that I would not be receiving any flour, olive oil or wine. No home baking for me. I'll have two loaves of bread until next time. I'm trying to get on the "vulnerable" list at Sainsbury's so that I can have a slot for my next delivery. Let's see how that goes.

Work might end for me this week. I have put in for voluntary redundancy. I hope it was the right decision - I can survive quite cheaply if I need to, which is what I will be doing for at least the next few months.

I just hope that this country has made it's moves in time, and that we don't reach the critical stage that Spain and Italy find themselves in. What a humanitarian disaster.

Of course that would never happen to the exceptional British...

Self-isolation: Day 9

The world is changing rapidly. It was never a stable place to be complacent in, but the last couple of weeks have shown me just how you cannot take anything for granted anymore.

I've now been in isolation for nine days, and it's not been too bad, in all honesty. For someone like me at least. For someone who craves solitude. For someone who hates crowds, small talk, talking in large groups. For someone who wants to escape from their job. For someone who might want sometimes to escape from life.

In fact I have always been like this. In the early years it was accompanied by a deep feeling of depression and self-loathing. These days it just comes naturally. Solitude. Peace. Self-reflection time.

However tomorrow I must venture out into the world in order to have my monthly blood test. I'm a bit worried about that to be honest. Hopefully it will be over in a matter of minutes as I don't need to see a consultant this time.

R left London last night for Sussex, concerned that there might be a coming lockdown in the city. So far that hasn't transpired, and it makes little difference to me, stuck as I am in my own building. I do miss him though. I miss our weekends together. But we still talk, that is the main thing. He is badly affected by these events, anxiety and worry being a main part of that. I so hope we all come through this soon.

Earlier this evening I caught the photo of my Grandma in the cabinet, smiling proudly on the day she reached her 100th birthday in 2010. It reminded me how she survived the Spanish flu in 1919. As an eight year old she lost her hair as a result. Her mother, tied between looking after her and her husband who was recovering from a gunshot wound from the War, left my grandma to be cared for by her aunt. I've often wondered why a mother would leave her sick daughter, but it was desperate times that, until current world events unfold, might we not understand.

Last night I opted for voluntary severance from my job, The LT had put a lot of pressure on employees to choose between unpaid leave, sabbatical or that. I chose severance as my escape hatch. I've not progressed in my workplace for some time now. My looming operation in the past few years put me off moving but now is the right opportunity. Not perhaps the right time, but the right opportunity. Let's see how that works out.

For now I follow the news, the economy, my pension; I work, whilst I still have my job, and I talk over the phone. I'm also cooking a lot, which kind of relaxes me. And god am I cleaning!

As I mentioned earlier, I look forward to the time that we can all come through this sudden whirlwind that has blown apart lots of people's plans, and in fact devastated many families. I hope it can be tamed quite soon, and we can all be free again.

Let's get through this

How quickly our world can change, our assumptions and dependencies.

Covid-19 is amongst us, a silent killer, a global killer, seeking out the vulnerable, inflicting misery upon all of us.

Who would have thought last year, amidst the hideous Brexit crisis, that another crisis, even more serious would descend upon us all? As we toasted in the new year, did we ever think that we would be enduring this situation right now?

As we look at the rising numbers of infections around the world, and in our own communities, we need to take stock of what is important to us. We need to also consider how we might protect each other in order to beat this threat.

The future now is uncertain. But I am certain that there will be an end to the crisis. I also think that the world will be a different place when we surface back to normality. Hopefully it will be a better place, where people support each other more, and we look after our vulnerable citizens better. Hopefully it will not be a world where selfish nationalism and self-interest out-weighs our self-reflection.

I am scared. There is no getting away from the fact that the unknown is scary. Who might I lose during this crisis? Will I still have a job? Will I still have a future? But I am trying to seek out the positives. I see that the number of infections in China and South Korea are falling. The numbers in the UK are rising, but at some point there will be a peak, hopefully a flattened one, but those numbers will fall.

And the deaths? If 2% of infected people in the UK die, that would mean (based on a worse case infection rate of 80%) that 800,000 people will die. That's 800,000 who only a few months ago were toasting in the new decade. Gone. Family members and loved ones might be amongst them. I might be one of them.

All we can do is mitigate, avoid or reduce social contact, wash our hands. I am self-isolating because of my immunosuppressants. In the absence of clear government guidance I managed to get a doctor's note to work from home for the next two weeks. Then in two weeks, if there is still no guidance, I will get another. It's lonely, but it's necessary. I still have to attend the hospital next week, however, for blood tests. I will take precautions. I have already spoken to them and my consultation will be carried out over the phone, so I should be in for only a short while. At some point, however, I need to pick up medicines.

I really hope this all draws to its conclusion quite soon. I know we will get through this. I'm not going to apply jingoistic war analogies as some are doing. This is different. We have the internet to help us, we have better access to news; and at some point we will have a vaccine.

For the time being, I will carry out all those chores I have delayed in my flat, water my plants, scroll through Netflix, whatsapp my other half. That is the hardest part, the love and companionship, but I know it is only temporary. This nightmare is only temporary.